No, I normally sit down there, explains Trevor, pointing to
a position in front of the mixing desk as close to the musicians as possible
while staying on this side of the glass. He says that they need to get
moving if theyre going to get through all three songs.
I might go home, says Chris, though he makes no move to do
so, and seems happy enough here; it just seems to be the kind of thing
he says at times like this. Instead, he and Neil chat about the Michael
Jackson trial verdict from the day before.
Trevor tells the string arranger, Nick Ingman, that theyre going
to do the song called Integral first. Im just
going to nip to the loo before we start, he says.
Nip to the loo, repeats Neil. Sounds like
a folk song. He points out that they have recorded strings in this
studio before. We did Rent for Liza Minnelli here. Getting
away with it. Quite a few things. We did Dreaming of the Queen
The microphones are on in the orchestras room; we can hear them
talk to each other.
What time is it? one says to another.
Well after half past three, comes the answer. They were booked
to begin at half past three. The rules are very strict when you employ
classical musicians you either finish three hours later when the
session is due to finish, or pay heavily for any overrun.
Good afternoon, Nick Ingman tells them. Integral.
Pages rustle and flap on music stands. Into bar nine, Integral,
avec mci, please, he instructs. They play the arrangement he has
written, by sight; this is the first time they have seen it. Jolly
good, he says. Bar
One, two.. After a while, theres a huge melodramatic symbol crash.
Sounds a bit over the top, doesnt it? sniggers Chris.
Theyre still finding their way, and Neil worries whether theyll
be in tune. Sounds a bit like a school orchestra, he worries.
Dont worry, Trevor reassures him. Theyll
be in tune.
The orchestra chatter. Are you marked forte? one
asks his neighbour.
Chris picks up a copy of Private Eye that is lying on the mixing desk
and starts reading it.
Discipline, discipline, mutters one of the musicians.
Trevor queries one of the percussion sounds. Frank, is there any
way you can get any more tone out of the spanner? he asks. He suggests
that the orchestra now start playing along with the Pet Shop Boys
Bit of track coming, folks, Nick Ingman tells the musicians,
as though it is some kind of gentle warning. They play along. Could
we have another five per cent of the vocals?
In the control room, Neil picks up an aviation magazine called Pilot and
starts browsing through it. I thought it was a yachting magazine,
he says, as though this would somehow explain his interest. Soon he puts
it down and shows Literally the brochure for a new play, Telstar: The
Joe Meek Story, which he is planning to see as soon as it opens. Its
about a legendary eccentric record producer who made a series of remarkable,
sonically innovative records then met a sorry end. Dont you
like Telstar? he asks. Dont you like Have
I The Right? by The Honeycombs?
The musicians do a full run-through. Neil and Chris laugh, amused at the
most over-thetop moments. We might not use it all, you know,
Neil says. Trevor says that they need to split the musicians up into smaller
groups. Theres a lot of racket, he says. Exciting,
That timpani roll, laughs Chris.
Hilarious, says Neil. From their new album, Hilarious.
They listen back to the recording of the orchestra. Chris raises his fist.
Very Wagnerian, nods Neil.
It sounds like the overture to a show says Chris.
It does, doesnt it? Neil agrees.
Gavin, who leads the strings, comes into the control room to have a listen.
Trevor tries to introduce him to Neil and Chris but they point out that
they have known him for years since the recording of Left
to my own devices
Left to my own devices was the first string session
we ever did, Neil points out.
Twenty years ago? suggests Gavin.
No~ corrects Neil. Seventeen years ago, to be precise.
Studio One, Abbey Road.
Neil picks up Pilot once more and Trevor explains that the best bits in
the magazine are the details about safety matters and recent crashes.
Trevor has an unhealthy interest in plane crashes, Neil observes.
Nick Ingman gives the string section new instructions. Instead of
what you have please play your lowest D.
D? Or B? queries one of the players.
D,says Ingman. For disaster. And as big
and loud and juicy as possible. The instructions continue: ...
Pete, you know that quaver thing? Itsforte from bar
nine, the m.f has gone... and so on. He chats with Trevor about
the fact that the harp player hasnt turned up yet.
The songs relentless chorus hammers out:
If youve done nothing wrong youve got nothing to fear.
If youve something to hide you shouldnt even be here.
Nick Ingman asks them to stop because the cellos are lagging behind. Its
not getting to 4 when I expect it to, he frets.
A different world, observes Trevor, quietly. The skill
it takes to do this...
Chris reads about Camilla Parker Bowles in the newspaper. He doesnt
appear to be paying much attention, though occasionally, without looking
up, hell say something like, Well have to have a proscenium
arch for the next show.
Trevor points out that you cant get strings recorded for pop records
to sound like this in
America. (He lives and works in Los Angeles some of the time.) Theyre
working in a factory
they dont dig it, he explains. These guys sort
of understand what you want. And in America its hard to get
the A-list players anyway for a pop music session theyre
always working on a Stephen Spielberg movie soundtrack or something like
They play along to the track again.
I wonder when the kitchen sink is coming, sniggers Chris.
With the harp, says Neil.
Fireworks... Chris says.
We recorded fireworks once, Neil recalls.
Did we? says Chris.
Julian recorded them at J.J.s party for the Always on
my mind twelve-inch, Neil says. They werent that
good though they didnt explode in time.
The harps arrived, Trevor announces.
Someone wearing a top hat... predicts Neil.
... some jugglers coming, adds Chris.
Neil continues the fantasy: Were recording some mime artists
After a while, Trevor says that hes happy with what they have. You
can always fix the timing, he says. Its hard to fix
the pitch. He has two suggestions. One is to the orchestra. Why
dont we move on and do Luna Park now? The other
is to Neil. Shall we put the kettle on?
At a later date, Neil and Chris explain to
Literally the background to todays session.
Originally on this album we werent going to do strings...
Or guitars, laughs Chris.
Our original idea in writing the album was to do minimalist electric-pop,
says Neil. Consequently as a result weve made an album of
sweeping epics, one after another really. I dont know how weve
Trevor suggested that they used Nick Ingman for the arrangements. This
is the first time they have been in the studio with him, though he arranged
the strings on Numb which will also be on this album but which
in 2003. With the style of these string arrangements, theyre
not incredibly intrusive strings, Neil notes. Theyre
used as a rich texture. As he pointed out in the studio, the first
time they ever used live strings was on the first song they recorded with
Trevor Horn, back in 1988, Left to my own devices It was the
first time we worked with Richard Niles who did the arrangements, and
he did a massive arrangement and we edited some of it out. Its exciting
doing strings, because it makes the harmony sound much richer, which I
really like. I always like hearing the strings playing by themselves as
well it gives you a completely different idea of what the music
They point out that sometimes orchestrations dont work. In
this case not at all Ive liked everything but we have
had situations before, says Chris. But the great thing is
that you dont have to use everything. Weve had occasions before
where weve cherry-picked the bits we liked and not used the other
They talk through these three songs. First, the anthemic Integral.
One of the ideas for the album is that we took the themes of the
songs from contemporary events, says Neil. Integral
was inspired by the issue of ID cards in Britain, whereby everyone in
Britain is issued with an ID card which has a smart strip on it which
collates all of your social security information, any criminal convictions,
and other stuff, which also is going to be shared with the United States
of America. And it seems to us to go against all British traditions of
liberty and freedom. So we wrote this song which is a kind of satire,
sung from the point of view of the people who are issuing the ID cards,
and sums it up by saying your lives exist as information which
is kind of how things are going in a way... integral because
youre integral to the governments concept; its what
everyone says: if youve nothing to hide, youve got nothing
to fear; the point being that if you have got something to hide
youre not integral to the concept of modern Britain. But we only
really like people whove got something to hide.
Theyre certainly more interesting, says Chris. (He adds
one more practical objection to ID cards: Itd be a nightmare
for Batman and all those superheroes.)
They wrote the music in their London studio.
You started writing the music, Neil reminds Chris. You
didnt like it to begin with.
Its alright, says Chris. Its the sort of
thing you might get annoyed with after a few plays. It was just trying
to be uplifting really. Its not easy. People think its easy
doing uplifting four-on-the-floor stompers but actually its quite
difficult, particularly when youre not in the mood. When youre
feeling like Chris Martin on a good day, its not easy to do. But
we try. We owe it to the fans.
I think it sounds threatening more than uplifting, says Neil.
Musically its a bit triumphalist, dont you think?
Yes, Neil agrees. Threateningly triumphalist.
Yes, says Chris. Its the state its
an overpowering state.
It actually has an influence from Rammstein as well, says
Neil. It reminds me a bit of Rammsteins song, Amerika.
He starts singing: Were all living in Amerika... wunderbar
... Intregal also reminds them of Pink Floyds
The Wall. Trevor thinks a lot of things on this album sound like
Pink Floyd, says Neil. I, of course, have never really listened
to Pink Floyd so its very difficult for me to judge this. I was
never a fan.
The second of these three songs is called Luna Park.
It was written about two years ago, says Neil, in the
north of England...
I think it was done in London, says Chris.
You might be right, says Neil.
They come from the heavens anyway, notes Chris. Were
just a vessel through which they pass. If anyone else likes it, its
a bonus. (Literally readers may like to consider at their leisure
whether this represents Chriss true opinion or is a savage parody
of pompous pop star interviews.)
always like the phrase Luna Park, says Neil.
You dont get them in England, says Chris. We have
Blackpool Pleasure Beach.
In Nice theres a Luna Park, says Neil.
All across Germany, notes Chris.
Luna Park is their name for a permanent funfair, says Neil,
and obviously it means something to do with the moon, that you go
there at night, lit by the moon. Ive always thought there were a
lot of connotations. ....... lunatic, for instance. So there is that notion
that its madness, and thats specifically what I liked about
it the mixture of fun, fear and madness. It struck me as a good
metaphor for America. So in the song Luna Park is America. Its basically
a war on terror song. Theres another song on the album called Psychological
which has a similar theme. Its basically about how you imagine things,
of how being afraid of a directionless terrorism in a way is like being
afraid of the dark. In the dark you dont know whats happening,
and with terrorism you feel where information is concemed youre
in the dark so youre irrationally scared.
The third song is called Casanova in Hell.
We wrote that in the north of England, says Neil. Chris
started writing a song on the grand piano which Ive got in my house,
and Id had the idea of writing a song called Casanova in Hell
from reading a book about him... Its a short novel, Casanova ~ Homecoming,
by Arthur Schnitzler who was the Viennese writer at the tum of the twentieth
century and it sort of draws upon the idea that Casanova is getting older,
and so the song is about Casanova. A woman laughs at him because she thinks
hes too old to have sex with her, and he confronts that realisation
and gets his revenge by writing his memoirs. And it was his memoirs that
made him into a historical figure as well as a literary figure
he recorded all of his sexual conquests as well as other things in these
books. Its got this very pretty melody that has these sort of dissonant
notes in it. When the conductor was introducing it to the orchestra he
said something about the words... One word has been changed, though. The
masturbate has been changed to contemplate. It
was just too icky.
We didnt want a parental guidance sticker on the album sleeve,
deadpans Chris. Were not that type of band.
Once the kettle has boiled at the back of the
control room, Trevor Hom makes his own cup of tea and stares at the jar
of chocolate biscuits. Biscuits around the place, its deadly.
Dont go there, Trevor, counsels Neil.
He has one biscuit anyway while the strings run through Luna Park.
Chris points out a bit of the arrangement that he doesnt like.
We should have Axl Rose singing on this, really, says Neil.
Hed sing it really well.
This has got more rock, hasnt it? Chris observes. I
dont mean in a bad way. He shares his reservations with Nick
Ingman about the opening passages.
We can schmoot them up a bit, Ingman suggests.
I think theyve got to do it aggressively, Neil agrees.
I think it needs to sound rushed. Its got to match the piano.
Which is obviously being played percussively, states Nick
Ingman. He talks the strings through the song. Theres the
famous semi-quaver passage at 65... he says at one point.
Famous, says Neil, who is enjoying tea and a banana. People
talk of nothing else. He says that he sat next to the notorious
art critic Brian Sewell at a dinner the other night when he was presenting
the BP National Portrait Gallery portrait prize. (Neil took the opportunity
to note how old-fashioned portrait painting was and reasoned that it must,
consequently, have something going for it.)
This is about Casanova in hell, Nick Ingman tells the string
section. Listen to the words. Theyre very good.
Neil chats with Chris about Sondre Lerche. Chris laughs when the already-recorded
Neil sings the word erection in the background.
That sounded a bit better than I thought, says Trevor.
that some of the string parts sound a bit inconsequential, and says that
he doesnt understand the discordant part at the end.
You asked that the strings sort of comment at the end, Trevor
Did I? says Neil.
We can cut it, says Trevor.
No, no, what did I mean? Neil says, wondering. It might
have been a good idea.
Nick Ingman talks to one of the viola players. Youre a tiny
bit flowery for me, he says. Because youre the bottom
viola, if youll excuse the expression... They do another runthrough
and he praises them. Lovely, he says. Very limp. Beautifully
They consider the problematic end passage. This ascending chromatic
thing which may get cut, as Nick Ingman describes it to the players.
Chris thinks it should stay on one note; Neil wonders whether it should
hold and then slide down. They eventually decide it should just hold.
Lovely, says Neil.
Much better, Chris agrees.
Another playback. Chris teases Neil about his vocal timing.
Its my signature style, Neil says.
You just cant wait for the beat, says Chris.
I think its too corny, Neil explains.
Nick Ingman is worrying about something else. You can get rid of
the semi-quavers at the end of bar 69. Theyre not a big deal.
Neil says hes happy. Great, he tells Nick Ingman. I
loved the flaccid penis. Hes referring to a part of the orchestration
which amplifies the lyric.
Theres a sort of chamber thing about it, Nick Ingman
Its nice to have something a bit eighteenth century,
The engineer picks up the phone then asks whose Mercedes it is in the
studio car park it is blocking someone. Chris is exasperated, though
not for the obvious reason. How many years have we been coming here?
he exclaims. And now we discover theres a bloody car park?
Do you want to get the blowers in? Nick Ingman asks Trevor.
(He means the brass players.)
The blowers, says Chris. And get the
fluffers... He has a question for Neil, the question that usually
looms during a Pet Shop Boys recording session. Wherere we
going to eat then? he asks.
Well worry about that at the time, Neil says.
Trevor returns to Integral to record the harp part.
Why isnt there a mens choir on this, Neil? Chris
asks. Would that be going too far?
The harp is quickly recorded and the blowers take their place.
(The percussionist is frustrated that he is being left till last, but
he is only one person.) As the tuba plays Neil comments, I expect
Harry Secombe to start singing. By now, Neil has taken over the
copy of Private Eye. The brass play Casanova in Hell. I
think thats fine, Trevor says. There may have been a
bit of air between the two French horns at the end, in tenns of pitch.
Nick Ingman suggests that they re-do it from bar 63.
Two bars before the quaver, he instructs. Done,
says Trevor, triumphantly. Not bad going, says Chris. They
are well within the three hours and they
only have the percussionist, Frank, to record. Frank played congas
on Close (To The
Edit), says Trevor. He played with Tina
Charles in 1981 on I Love To Love. (Trevors
first modest success was as a bass player for the
British disco sensation Tina Charles.) Frank adds some timpani to Casanova
Hell then some thunder noises to Luna Park by shaking
a sheet of metal. When he does so, Chris and Neil look perplexed and Trevor
That was fine, he says.
Its like sex, Nick Ingman notes. You hang around
for three hours and its all over in two minutes.
Frank plays some timpani on Integral which reminds both Neil
and Chris of the beginning of University Challenge. Then, finally, he
plays the spanner. At 6.04 pm, 24 minutes early, the session is over.
Frank packs up his strange sonic implements.
The thundersheet, exclaims Chris. Its the first
time weve had a thundersheet on the record, says Neil.
How come its taken us so long? Chris wonders.